If you view feedback as an attack, you’ll default to defence.
But if you embrace feedback as a gift, you’ll welcome it with appreciation.
As someone that is learning to welcome feedback, I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not always an easy shift to make. But if you want to take feedback like a pro you need to learn how receive it without becoming defensive.
Here’s four things that I’ve found helpful:
- Assume positive intent – Remember that the person delivering this feedback cares enough to say something. Recognise that they won’t always be able to say what they mean clearly which means that sometimes it will come across wrong. Give the person the benefit of the doubt that they are trying their best with you and that they want the best for you.
- Remove opposing sides – Take away sides by making the conversation collaborative instead of adversarial. Feedback is win-win not win-lose. If you enter the conversation trying to prove you’re right, you’ll almost always get it wrong.
- Listen to understand – Focus on being curious instead of judgemental. If you can’t listen, you won’t learn. Make an effort to listen so you understand not just so you can reply. Consider whether there are any obstacles getting in the way of hearing this person’s point of view and work towards removing them.
- Anticipate your triggers – Reflect on times when you may be prone to shutting down or lashing out. Plan for what you’ll do if you notice your emotions are running hot. What helps you cool down? Consider what you need from others if you find yourself shutting down. What helps you warm up to them?
Here’s some practical questions to reflect on in your next feedback conversation to help to bring these to life:
- What does this person want for me? (Intent)
- What do we both want? (Collaboration)
- What might be getting in the way of that? (Curiosity)
- What do I need to help me cool down or warm up? (Triggers)