05 · Confrontation
Think through, talk through, follow through
the third step saves the relationship.The reason a hard conversation feels like a relationship risk is almost always that we’ve skipped the preparation and gone straight to the talking.
Before: is this a problem or a complaint? A problem has an outcome you can name. And is it hot or cold? Hot, press pause and let it cool. Cold, start more personally and warm it up.
During: observation, impact, input, coach or redirect, agreement, appreciation. If you only remember three, remember observation, impact, input. Input is four words, “what do you think?”, and it’s the step people skip.
After: record it, act on it, notice, celebrate, evaluate, communicate. Then decide: is this solved, or managed?
One moveBefore the next hard conversation, write the observation sentence down. One sentence, no adjectives. If you can’t write it without an adjective, you’re not ready.
If your goal is to prove you’re right, you’ll almost always go wrong. If your goal is to make things right, you’ll almost never go wrong. And just be kind.